People have backgrounds that are not on the blogger, they have nice fonts and they have witty titles and beautiful expressive words.
Just hitting publish yesterday, I was full of excitement and accomplishment but also a feeling of worry.
The beginning of something new, but it's odd because I'm in the middle of my life, relationship and it seems off somehow. I keep worrying about if this is right, or wrong to write about myself. How do I even explain it?
I've read some posts the past few days that really spoke to me though.
People blog for all sorts of reasons and I think the best thing I've seen so far is that sometimes people are going through something the same as you, or even somewhat similar and it just feels like you are not so alone in though, even if you don't know the person.
I feel like I need specifics in order to blog and have a way to lay them out, and good titles but I just sort of type and it just comes out all jumbled and sorted wrong.
I keep asking myself what is the real meat of my problems that I want to sort out maybe by writing?
What can I let go of and get off my chest and maybe feel better about?
I've been reading a hilarious blog about parenting that has me in stitches some days. Does it feel better to know that I'm not the craziest mommy out there and that other are going through it too?
Yes! yes it does!
Yes! yes it does!
But when it comes to relationships, there is this invisible gag it seems in talking about all the inner workings of your relationship.
I think if I had to pick the biggest hurdle in ours right now is that we had a specific way our relationship worked, but things get in the way and I've fell out of the loop in some ways and he has too.
For people that practice any types of alternative lifestyles in the relationship area, it works when you both agree and are both on the same page.
We used to be, but for some reason, I am not anymore.
I don't know what to label how our relationship was or is, but it was a mix of what I see some describing ttwd, or dd, and a bit of submissive / dominant types of roles mashed up together.
We have been playing around in those areas for about 4 years now.
I'm just feeling lost.
My husband wants to be back in the swing of things, but I'm completely out of sorts about it all.
Do I not feel submissive?
I think that may be the first thing.
I just don't feel that way right now because of all the things I feel like I am in charge of. I don't know what my role has turned into and I don't feel very submissive about him leading some things when I have to lead others.
How do I mix the two?
I'm just feeling lost.
My husband wants to be back in the swing of things, but I'm completely out of sorts about it all.
Do I not feel submissive?
I think that may be the first thing.
I just don't feel that way right now because of all the things I feel like I am in charge of. I don't know what my role has turned into and I don't feel very submissive about him leading some things when I have to lead others.
How do I mix the two?
Sometimes I feel like I do everything alone, especially when he is gone and or very busy.
Where do we place the value of the dynamic in our relationship? Is it all the time? or is there just some time we have moments?
I get a lot of what I call "stink eye" when I've sort of had it and get frustrated - he wants to be back in the dynamic of releasing whatever is bothering me by have a little hand to butt talk, but I've taken it off the table as of a few months ago.
I'm very torn. Things went so well before and I have no reason why I feel differently but I just do.
I get a lot of what I call "stink eye" when I've sort of had it and get frustrated - he wants to be back in the dynamic of releasing whatever is bothering me by have a little hand to butt talk, but I've taken it off the table as of a few months ago.
I'm very torn. Things went so well before and I have no reason why I feel differently but I just do.
Is it just me, or him? or has something shifted? Kids, house? stress?
I really hope writing is going to help me get whatever it is out of my brain and into reality.
I really hope writing is going to help me get whatever it is out of my brain and into reality.
Hey Effie,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your blog is yours - so don't worry about catchy titles or whatever - just call them what you want. I used to stress about that - but not anymore. I call each post whatever comes to my mind that seems to be the theme. If my writing deters, I might alter it - but I don't sweat over it. And as for your writing - just let it come out as is - and I think you will see your writing style evolve. But again, it's for you, not for anyone else.
As to finding your way in your relationship and finding your submission - that's the journey I think. It's a process - nothing that comes overnight necessarily. So keep writing, thinking and talking it out. We're here for you.
hugs,
Cali
ps: I'm very familiar with the 'stink eye' lol. :)
Oh Thank you for commenting! Yes, the old stink eye! lol it comes with the territory I guess.
ReplyDeleteI think the writing style won't be so pieced together as time goes on as well, sort of just learning a skill maybe, riding a bike?
Trying not to stress over sounding like I'm gushing, or just babbling on and on! :)
OK - I'm going to jump in and give you my opinion. Please note, this is just an opinion.
ReplyDelete*I think it would be hard to bounce back and forth between doing ttwd and not doing it. However, I have read several blogs where they are only ttwd in the bedroom. So I know that it works.
*You sort of say that you don't feel submissive - boy, we have ALL felt that way. It can be hard when your a working gal, a mom, responsibilites etc. But, it's doable. It's important for you to remember your place in your household. To be respectful towards your husband and to not step on his toes.
*As far as you being unsure when sometimes he leads and others you do, that is where that darn communication comes into play. That is a hard one for many. But once you start and get things cleared up, communicating becomes so much easier and vital. And you'll be glad you did.
*Once last thing, then I'll wrap it up. There are some things you can do to bring out your submissive side. Lots of bloggers have suggestion, but here is mine. Every day, write one thing on a small sticky note what you love, appreciate or notice about your husband and put it in a place he'll see it. This small action got me out of a deep rut. Now I do it when I feel irritated at him, when I feel like he's doing everything wrong (which is impossible, because of course I'm at fault in some things) when I feel my self slipping. It's amazing how it works for me. Also, try doing small things for him each day. Make his favorite meal, even though you don't like making it - or whatever. Get him his fave drink or treat when you're at the store and leave for him on his desk, in his car, whatever. Just small things. What these 2 suggestions do, is make you think positively of him. Sometimes you'll have to search for them, but they are there. Eventually, your attitude will change.
We are all here for you. We have all been in your shoes at one point. We'll do what we can to help. But you're on the right path. I don't mean to sound preachy or to sound like I"m telling you what to do, but these comments only allow a certain amount of characters and I didn't have the space to be polite. ;)
As far as titles, sometimes, I just pick a line out of my post and use that for a title. Nothing major. Certainly don't stress over that!
Hang in there. :)
I don't see it as preachy at ALL! thank you! Thank you!
DeleteI think it's a good idea to write things down. I do have a lot going on in what I call "mommy land" right now and I'm feeling just terribly SUNK!
I hate telling him because he is so busy at work and I feel like his job is stressful, so it's best for me just to be quiet when he comes home and not dump everything on him.
I sometimes then resent him for something I have done, which is holding back and it's not like he ever said not to tell him my troubles.
I really appreciate you taking the time to comment to me.
Hi Effie, Your blog is yours to do what you like with and say what you want. This is very important to remember. Also for me I think it is important for me to be truthful whether things are going good or bad. Ask advice from anyone. I am a hopeless techie and have learnt to change titles, backgrounds etc very slowly. Lots of bloggers are really helpful with all that. Ttwd wise, everyone is different and it is very rare that a couple both want exactly the same thing, everyone has to compromise somewhere. For us, we are an older couple with a grown kids so life is starting to be all about fun!! Focusing on each other, I hope you and your other half have a great ttwd life
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
Thank you Jan (an English Rose) for commenting too! I found a place that explain a bit about blogger, so I am hoping to play around with it this weekend.
DeleteYes, everyone sure is different in ttwd! I can tell from so many places i have read already!
Every day I seem to find another blog or something to read. It's honestly been some what of a relief to just see what everyone writes and the comments.
Compromise is something I need to write on one of those sticky notes and put it where I can see it often.
:) Even just typing and reading comments makes me think about things in other lights. :)
Effie, I have to echo what the other women said. Don't worry about the blog so much. It is yours. We will support you. My advice to you is to set up an email (if you haven't already) so that you can email other bloggers for advice and questions when you have them. This has been so helpful to me. I would be glad to talk with you anytime! Meredith at a new twist after all these years, calls it "behind the blog." That's where you can let your guard down a little, get to know others, make friendships, and ask tough questions. Also, continue commenting on blogs you enjoy So others will know you are out here in blog land! Don't become overwhelmed with too many blogs at first, just slowly build the ones you feel you are on the same page with. Some of the blogs can be kind of "out there" if you know what I mean. That's my two cents, for what it's worth, again, welcome! Megan
ReplyDelete