I have things I want to get out, things I want to say and or describe, but then I end up just stuffing them away and dealing with whatever else is going on in my life and paying no mind to them until it's too late or I just become numb to the thoughts or feelings.
I feel like there's never a good time to talk, and there's never going to be a good time to talk.
The past few weeks all free time was either kids, taxes, schooling or talks of other plans that need sorted out as things are coming up.
When I think of the list of things that need done, sometimes it seems like our relationship is not as important and I just keep telling myself we will survive and come together when all of this other stuff is out of the way.
I know that's not true though.
I know in the back of my mind that we need to sort US out and it's every bit as important.
The past few weeks all free time was either kids, taxes, schooling or talks of other plans that need sorted out as things are coming up.
When I think of the list of things that need done, sometimes it seems like our relationship is not as important and I just keep telling myself we will survive and come together when all of this other stuff is out of the way.
I know that's not true though.
I know in the back of my mind that we need to sort US out and it's every bit as important.
Some matters are just too pressing though before we can get to us.
Kids, illnesses, work situations and family are all on overload right now.
Kids, illnesses, work situations and family are all on overload right now.
I feel like wanting my relationship to go back to being a certain way is selfish during this time.
I also feel stuck.
If I do find time to talk, and we start things back up that leads to a good spot in our lives that also leads to once again, coming upon this dead spot.
So am I avoiding talking because I hate getting my hopes up only to be let down again?
it's not him, it's not me, it's US and it's life.
it's not him, it's not me, it's US and it's life.
We both drop the ball but it seems like I'm always the one picking it up and saying "Hey! we dropped this ball do you want to play with it again or not"?
and of course, he will but he wants to play on what I call "man terms" which is, when it's convenient for him and not US.
So am I saying consistency is an issue in our relationship?
Yes, to a point, but I feel that it's almost expected by now because in all things consistency is sometimes an issues and you always have to start again, or remind yourselves to pay attention to whatever it is to be back on track.
Maybe I'm just lazy?
Maybe he's lazy?
Maybe life is too crazy?
I don't know. I'm just here in the middle looking at both sides I guess. Go on? go back, go forward? It's more like going round and around.
Talking about it all seems to be the only way out for awhile, but then what?
Back to the old in a year or so. I guess I should enjoy the good while it lasts. I'm just tired of being the one to say "hey we need to sort this out again".
Back to the old in a year or so. I guess I should enjoy the good while it lasts. I'm just tired of being the one to say "hey we need to sort this out again".
Hi Effie, oh sweetie, most of us have been there and some are still there. We definitely had a phase like this is our early days. For me ttwd started to work when I stopped thinking that what I had was not enough. Lots of us want stronger hohs, ones who feel like we do. However lots of these men that we married knowing what they were like were not quite so into this as us. My husband is certainly not an instinctive Hoh, not dominant, but happy to play. I have learnt to be happy with this. I don't have rules as such ( only about eating biscuits,lol) and most of our spankings are fun. I think if I had kept trying to make it more than it was it would have disappeared altogether but two years on and we are very close, have lots of fun. Nothing is perfect. Don't worry about the stop starting aspect of it all. In time hopefully you will sort out how this thing works for you and one thing I am sure of it will be different to everyone else! No matter what we read and hope for life is never certain and we all do ttwd in our own fashion. Please don't feel despondent
ReplyDeletemuch love Jan,xx
Effie,
ReplyDeleteI echo what Jan said. There are seasons for everything and sometimes it feels like ttwd takes a back burner. You are not the only one who feels that. It will come back around to what you need it be eventually. Life gets in the way for all of us.
Megan
Hey there Effie,
ReplyDeleteYes - these ladies are right. If you took a moment and scrolled through all of our blogs and blog rolls, you'd see one or more posts echoing your thoughts exactly. And then thankfully, most of us have follow up posts where we find a way to make things work. Yes life gets in the way - often - and yes, our husbands are often on a different page than we are - but don't give up. It's totally worth working for - even if you feel like you are doing it alone - and we are here to listen and to cheer you on.
hugs,
Cali
Hi, Effie,
ReplyDeleteI welcome you to blog land. I have been way so I am late at offering you a warm welcome. We all have ups and downs in this ttwd. Things have a way of evening out and smoothing out and it will happen for you too.
Meredith