Well, We finally had a bit of time for talking and some of the best news besides just being able to talk is that I figured out my distaste for whatever it was that was going on.
We seemed to be on this ongoing cycle and I felt like it was just too many ups and downs all the time. I think over a bit of time the consistency and life's ups in downs with not only ourselves, but with how ever we conducted our relationship really got to me and so I became adverse to the whole thing.
When it comes down to it, I believe consistency really is a turning point for me.
My husband while a spanko, is very all over the place with consistency. I know I'm not the best at staying on top of things myself, but when I get set in a way, I try to make sure I'm pulling my end and feel discouraged a bit when it's not equal.
Reading other blogs, I know that lots of people have consistency issues. I never really thought too much about the ways it affected me and how I felt about everything until I really looked at specific times I felt put off and realized what it was exactly.
He wants to to do it for pleasure and punishment. I agreed that I could handle the two, but what is hard is being consistent on both of those areas. I know that's probably a lot to handle for anyone.
Talking helped for sure. He agrees that there must be balance. I'm a creature of habit. If something is one way for weeks at a time, I get off center when it suddenly goes away. He gets it and now I get why it's hard for him sometimes. He really helped me see he doesn't mean to be inconsistent, but it does happen when other things get in the way.
For now we have an agreement to both try on each end and we agree that we have to make time for talking no matter who's working when and how busy life gets.
I'm looking forward to see where that will lead, but also a bit nervous!
Goodness this sounds familiar!
ReplyDeleteSo important for you both to be giving your own sides of how this is working (or not) and what you both need. Making time, no matter what, LOVE that!
XOXO Pearl
Inconsistency is really hard. Most of us have been there. I certainly have. What seems to be different here is that your hubby seems to be the one who really wants this. Do you want spanking for play and punishment. Is the inconsistency with punishment?
ReplyDeleteI think the inconsistency is most with punishment and crazy as it sounds, I actually was used to almost feeling a bit grounded in myself when I had been punished. I hope that makes sense! I feel like when he isn't consistent in that area, I find myself feel off. Most of the time if used for punishment it's really mostly for me being rude, disrespectful or bossy a bit. I just feel like when that is in check I'm more aware of my actions.
DeleteHi Effie, Maybe you two need a regular maintenance session. Perhaps it will give you both a time to air your thoughts. No one starts off this thing perfectly and everyone does it differently. You just have to find out what works for you. Is it you who wants this life or him? You say he is a spanko, are you not? It must be hard to submit to it all if you aren't,,,
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
I should say I WAS a spanko maybe? lol, I liked it in fun, and came to appreciate it in more of a punishment sense and felt somewhat grounded by it, like I needed it. So I guess the issue with consistency is somewhat of a letdown if it's not always on. I think if there was maintenance then maybe it would just be a good cover all! Sounds like a good thing to talk about Thank you!
DeleteHi Effie, I'm glad you two talked and have a better understanding of each others perspective. Communication and consistency are so important, on both sides,
ReplyDeleteNo two couples practice ttwd the same way and it takes time to figure out what works for each of us. We have had a couple of stops and starts and are currently in the process of figuring out where we want ttwd to take us. The important thing is to keep the communication lines open.
Hugs
Roz
You are so right! I felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from me just the little bit of talking we did have. Literally floating on air :)
DeleteRoz, we have had a couple starts and stops too, figuring it out is becoming part of the ride. Communication is the key isn't it! I hope you two are having a good time figuring it out too :)
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