Kindness

I would like to thank everyone for their comments.
I love how not only reading blogs, but also writing one now is giving me feedback and things to think about.
I really appreciate that people took the time to offer advice and send off a comment! Thank you!

Lillyanna Rose had a great question I hadn't really thought a lot about because I just figured I was perfectly fine with whatever our arrangement was. We just sort of blended into this whole thing.
She asked "Do you want spanking for play and punishment. Is the inconsistency with punishment?"

When I sat alone and really thought about it, I do like and I am ok with being involved with both play and punishment, but as I read another comment (from Jan) asking me if I was a spanko as well my mind was going in all directions!

So, yes, we originally came together in sort of a playful and fetish sort of way, and experimented more with punishment second hand, and I realized that the punishment aspect is where to consistency got lacking.

I have a hard time explaining it, but I think you might understand the need for it as I have found. I sort of feel grounded by it, released by it, and sometimes validated by it. Is that nuts? I feel like if I'm off kilter, and I'm rude or bossy, snippy or disrespectful and any type of out of sorts, it's setting me right again. Does that make me a spanko in two senses? I guess it's where I get confused because besides liking it for that, thre are times in fun where I just like it all around!

I never thought I needed it until it wasn't happening and or was not consistent.

So explaining that all to my husband was in fact admitting that I was asking for it. eek! kinda had my stomach in knots there

I felt like I was asking him to spank me in a more serious tone, which he is only more then happy to do, but lack consistency in.
He said he totally gets it, and that he was sorry because he did in fact just like doing it in general. Little playful slaps here and there and fun spankings and will give more thought to how ones involved in punishment would be handled.
We will soon be discussing maintenance as also suggested.

in all I'm very thankful I've written everything out and I feel like the biggest weight is ever so lifted from my back.
Ttwd is all so very different isnt it? Roz had pointed out we each have a different journey and communication is the key - It is isn't it, why is it so hard to just talk sometimes. I need to just bully up and do it ,get my thoughts out and I'd have less of these mind breaking days thinking I'm crazy.


Thank you all for your helpful comments and advices while I'm breaking into this whole blogging thing.